detoxing
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Ben Kingsley's LiveJournal:
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| Tuesday, May 19th, 2009 | | 1:00 pm |
wait, what?
Dream 1: I'm at a micheal j. fox concert. He's in some folk band, and he needs another guitarist because someone was ill. He tells me to come up on stage, and tries to teach me some songs I've never heard of during the concert, and we sound horrible, mostly because of me, but also because the bad is pretty bad. The crowd is upset, but stays to watch how bad it could possibly get. Slow motion train wreck. Dream 2: A man I've never met before is in my living room and suddenly collapses... I tell beth to call 911 (because I can't... I literally can't dial properly, I keep hitting 991). I run over to the guy and there's this pressure building in his chest... some pulmonary vein is growing bigger and actually bubbling up through his chest. Part of it bursts, and he's bleeding all over the place... I grab a towel and try to put enough pressure on it to stop the bleeding, but not too much because I'm afraid it will completely burst... he's in a lot of pain, and can hardly speak... just moaning about whats on TV, and trying to joke around. | | Saturday, May 31st, 2008 | | 3:39 am |
you felt like you were dissapearing everytime you crossed a road
My hard drive crashed. I lost some some songs. Its not the end of the world but its annoying as fuck. The software I've been using was on there. I can't reformat. I don't know when I'm going to be able to record again.
Its a JD Salinger kind of night. Everything being "phony" and frustrating to the extent of only capably being described in paragraph form.
I'm finishing off the non-vegan wine because she can't drink it.
School is okay. Kind of easy. Kind of boring. Its amazing what a minuscule amount of preparation does towards GPA. I completely wasted my academic career at gatech. It was my excuse to play ultimate, drink MGD, and acquire poisonous propensities.
Sometimes I miss it. Most of the time its horrifying.
The lions mouth, beside the scale, the 9's on the counter.
Benzoylmethyl Ecgonine pressing, pumping organs to solid attention.
He caught fire. Everything illuminated for that brief moment, as it is with most people, but the famous artists being in the raw, holding their jars in the middle of the night with their dead fireflys, pressing hard enough in the morning to salvage the light and press their heat vigorously to paper.
Sometimes willfully plunging into friday sleep is charging a wwi bunker.
| | Sunday, March 30th, 2008 | | 2:10 am |
yearling
There's this horrible battle between personas. The one that hates going to sleep and the one that hates reading live journal entries the next day from a more than intoxicated asshole at 2 in the morning. Every time I start reading a book, I decide I want to write one (its my most fucking annoying personality trait), and I think of november book months and bryan kauffmans beard, and how he loved listening to radiohead in the winter as we walked towards the MRDC. God dammit, he knew hot to seasonalize music. When I get to about page 72, I realize how long it must of taken to organize that many thoughts and manually type them down and I decide poems are better because brevity and vagueness are gifts unto themselves. I know I look nothing like elliott smith, but this picture reminds me of myself. or my father... or this this kid named johnathan i knew in new orleans that went crazy after his parents died in a car crash... not crazy in a bad, rubber walls way, but in a "jesus christ this kid is fucking funny in a way i'll never be..." way. my brothers (jordan and jon) opted for jordan's girlfriends birthday party last night (instead of mine). i don't blame them AT ALL. however, their card read: (verbatim) "happy birthday butthead". If you decline to attend your brothers birthday over a girlfriends, it takes platinum balls to call them a butthead inside of a card. platinum. I'm reading the catcher in the rye right now. its not bad. i'm 25% annoyed because it reminds me of mel gibson, and 75% annoyed because deep down I know at the end its going to do absolutely nothing for me. i had a dream last night that beth caught me as i was falling from a third story pew in church. i can't help but smile from overly obvious symbolism. rest easy tonight Joseph. I've got this one covered. | | Saturday, March 22nd, 2008 | | 3:17 am |
together again
I hate how she is so great as saying simple things: "I learned you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights" | | 3:02 am |
caught up in a cocaine dream
If i had one request when i handed my album to my brother... one stipulation before setting it in his hand, and then his cd player... one thing i would ask anyone before they listen to anything i do for the first time... just please turn it up as loud as it will go. alone with headphones is preferable. goodnight/ | | Thursday, March 20th, 2008 | | 2:23 am |
wtf
i don't drink that much anymore. average 150 ml of ethanol a day. i regularly take showers. i am 50% successful at saving baby rabbits. it looks like i'm a vegetarian now. did not see any of this coming. i hardly have any friends in texas because i refuse to lower my standards. macaroni grill had three things i could eat on the menu today. went with the mushroom ravioli and chianti | | Saturday, January 5th, 2008 | | 2:04 pm |
wait, seriously, lets leave spears alone, if only for the sake of taking life seriously again
Reuters Top Videos: 1 Huckabee mixes message with music 2 Spears loses custody of kids 3 Britney Spears in hospital 4 Iowa vote boosts Obama 5 Art imitating atom blast 6 Crunch vote for Saakashvili 7 Winter storms strike California 8 Bhutto last moments: fresh video 9 Clinton leads in N. Hampshire 10 Will Iowa tell the story in 2008? Most Popular Stories on CNN: 1 Spears hospitalized; loses right to see kids 2 Amy Fisher to promote sex tape with husband 3 Nasty storms make trouble in California, Nevada 4 Stranded boat crew finally rescued 5 Romney takes early lead in Wyoming caucuses 6 U.S. military: Iraqi soldier killed U.S. troops 7 Suharto is rushed to hospital 8 'Wire's' latest target: The media 9 'Subprime' named Word of the Year 10 Taser party invitation may be in the mail I know 300% more about Brittany Spears than my family, just through headlines from the last 5 years. | | Tuesday, November 20th, 2007 | | 8:05 am |
| | Monday, November 19th, 2007 | | 11:50 pm |
| | Friday, October 5th, 2007 | | 10:03 am |
mettre let mots sur la petite dodo
a row boat in the north atlantic convinced of control oars that sink and pull at our request and really? still surprised by each wave? and everyone will complain when it breaks or loses compression, rots or rusts profane machines that i've grown to understand and despise and depend on the worst of relationships today is a smoking day | | Monday, October 1st, 2007 | | 11:26 pm |
chess and poetry on grass
i was thinking tonight about soccer, and how i have a lot of stories and nobody to talk to about them. i don't think anyone i care about ever went to a tech game. they were far away, and honestly we were all hung over. i'm so out of shape and drunk. | | Monday, September 3rd, 2007 | | 9:42 pm |
perfect
"I don't treat you like a 12 year old, I treat you like you." -beth, concerning the oven | | Sunday, September 2nd, 2007 | | 3:28 am |
how many more times do you think you'll really see a night like this
its not an infinite well that we pull from, out from the earth and drink thick dark bitter mixtures of what was left in the small fridge and the cabinets. i think gin and vodka and pepsi. livejournal is telling me to capitalize pepsi and livejournal. i say fuck pepsi and livejournal. give me the red "fuck you" underline. i believe i was trying to be vague and poetic a few seconds ago. and i turn back because it saved me from spelling it beleive. which is one of my many character flaws. believing. and spelling... kyle! kristen! i haven't called you because i'm sort of giving you guys time. this is like sophomore year when i walk back from where she parked so you guys could make out for a few minutes (couple hours) before you drove back to agnes scott (i'm not alluding to anything specifically, it just seems like that would be the sort of thing I would do). its just another step in your infinite path towards being very old and very annoying together eventually. and cute, very cute, i'm sure. roger, you're probably having sex and you haven't thought of me or transformers for weeks. amin, i'm not working on a dissertation, I just honestly don't know, and am still processing. i've sunk into this grocery list of shout-outs. the tv is stuck on hits from the 70's. its that time of night. i'm not without my own problems. money, grad school, having to move out because this 70 year old chinese immigrant living in california is selling his old house (the one I'm in) and I've got a few weeks to move with beth somewhere else. my truck is in parts because tai thought it would be funny. i cough from deep inside my lungs. i'm looking for either a black or red substance. the only time i really want to sing is when everyones asleep. james tried to make a cost benefit analysis on when to keep a child, depending on birth defects. i verbally abused him in front of two other people. those are things i do. i have this silver tongue and various black organs crooked and ugly, cursive reference, moody and vague... thats my cue | | Tuesday, August 14th, 2007 | | 1:19 pm |
they destroyed our flowers, then bought us new ones
okay, i've been listening to music for a while. and by listening to music, i mean listening to the stuff kyle has been sick of for six months. still... after all of it, "total eclipse of the heart" still makes me cream. bonnie tyler, please ravage me with your raspy voice. sundays are the best days to see people you haven't for a year. dusty leah and I drove around in beth's 1991 mustang, sans AC, in the 105 heat and listened to bright eyes and pretended that we hung out all the time. which isn't very hard. i cried all the way back home. | | Tuesday, July 17th, 2007 | | 7:37 am |
first off, decided to be more agnostic and less atheist. actually, thats it for now. | | Thursday, May 10th, 2007 | | 10:36 pm |
makeover makover
chuckled when filling out his form i'm drinking alone until she's off the antibiotic killing the tequila quietly i wish i knew how to speak swahili, i don't think english is helping very much right now. things don't end like 80's cartoons, with everyone high fiving at the end. we all touch, and then spread out... flickering out. ending up in empty offices, cold alleyways, and violent bars. vets engineers drunks and theives. liars settlers... fathers and mothers. happy mothers day. here's to mothers. except the ones that emotionally cripple you. (stole that from dave foley) | | Monday, April 9th, 2007 | | 7:22 am |
speed lab.... speeeeeeed lab
There was a truck in front of me today that opened its door as it was driving, and I thought for sure the driver was going to throw banannas back at me like in Mario Kart 64. Some things just stick with you. My puppy oscillates between sweet and destructive. The former usually occurs when she is sleeping. I think my brain remembers how to trigger the feeling it got from the substances I've taken, because I could feel it in my body exactly like before, in that dream. I'm going to Holly Michigan for a few days... near Flint. Its my graceland. | | Friday, March 30th, 2007 | | 7:17 am |
she likes to remind me how painful the labor was when she calls
Its strange how the external events of my placid existence can lead me to this horrible fog of a depression, choking and suffocating with every little innocent occurance until I can't breathe at all... and two days later everythings almost fine. And how the girls in my house can completely break my heart as they try to quit smoking and bake me a perfect cake, or when mia steals my work shoes and takes them into her puppy crate to keep me home in the morning. | | Thursday, March 1st, 2007 | | 7:57 am |
| | Thursday, February 8th, 2007 | | 6:27 pm |
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